Thursday, August 21, 2014

Learning to Use Puncutation

A conversation with a co-worker, C...

Me: I mean, I really like the kid, but...
C: Semicolon however comma?
Me: Uh, what?
C: You really like the kid semicolon however comma.

It takes me a minute to get, "I really like the kid; however, ..."

It's my new favorite thing.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Lessons in Compliments

A conversation from today...

Kid: Your hair looks different today.
Me: Uh, OK.
Kid, all offended and huffy: It's a compliment!
Me: No it isn't.  You just made a statement.  If you had said, "Your hair looks different today. I like it.", THAT'S a compliment.  Learn the difference.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

Kid: And then Gandalf is literally like "Yo, meet me at that hotel..."
Me: Wait, stop, I don't think you know what literally means.  Or what The Lord of the Rings is about.

Monday, August 18, 2014

Pre-Parent Night Dance Party!

I hate parent night. I've already said that. Twice in fact. (See here and here.)

Thankfully though, Taylor Swift understands my feelings and released an awesome new video today, now I'm just dancing around the house to psych myself up for tonight.

(Seriously, I'm totally in love with this song and video.)

Friday, August 15, 2014

I don't have time for your swag.

I'm talking to the class, then there's a pause...
Kid, to another kid: Swag!
Me, pause, sizing him up: Are you Justin Bieber?
Kid: UGH NO.
Me: Oh, because I thought he was the only one who still used that word...
Class: BUUUUUUUURN.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Sorry (not sorry) to be a bitch on a Thursday.

My kids have a rough draft of their first essay due tomorrow, which means every class is getting this speech:
If you email me your essay instead of printing it, I'm going to delete the email and say I never got it.  You have a library with a dozen printers at your disposal.

If you email me at 11:30 and tell me your computer crashed and you lost your entire paper, I'm going to delete the email and say I never got it.  You should have your paper saved in your email, in Google docs, and on a flashdrive.

You've had a week to work on this paper in class.  You have no excuses not to have a paper tomorrow, other than sheer laziness and willful defiance, and both of those will earn you a failing grade.


Sorry (not sorry) to be a bitch on a Thursday, but get it together, life doesn't care your excuses and how you printed out your paper, just that you got it done and turned in.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Weirdness is me having a life, I guess.

I went to a concert the other night with a couple of my co-workers and the next day I wore the band's shirt, which lead to this conversation:

Girl: Did you go see that band last night?
Me: Yep.
Boy: Whoa, that's crazy.
Me: What? That I did something outside of school?
Girl: Dude, she doesn't live here. She has a life.
Boy: I mean, I get that, but it's just...weird.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

I guess she's not a kid anymore.

I got an email from a former student yesterday:

"Hey [first name]...wait, am I even allowed to call you that?"

My response:

"Dude, you were in my class seven years ago. You've graduated from college, started a business, gotten into a steady long-term relationship, and adopted a dog...you're allowed to call me by my first name."

Oh kids.

Monday, August 11, 2014

Sick Day

I'm super sick.  Awesome, I know.  I went home after my first class today, so forgive me for the lack of posting today.