Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Listening is hard for high schoolers!

An email from K...

K:Don't high five the eagle.
Three minutes later:
K: I thought I said don't high five the eagle!

Monday, June 29, 2015

More farting stories. Yes, really.

My librarian friend sent me this a long time ago...

So I just saw your fart post, and cackled more than a little. But I also now have to tell you a story that my old boss emailed me yesterday. 

Apparently they had a lock down drill yesterday. In the library, that means locking the doors, covering all the windows with paper, and sitting on the floor in the office with all the kids. Most of them are fine because they get to hide under the desks and it's like the Most! Fun! Ever! But one or two usually get freaked out. 

So yesterday, she had the first graders in the library when the alarm went off. This one kid toooooooooootally freaked out and started asking the librarian what the worst possible thing that could happen was. 

Her response? "Someone could do a smelly fart and we'd be trapped in here with it."

Saturday, June 27, 2015

Saturday Special: Three Things, Vol. 35

1. Lifetime's "UnReal"

I've never in my life watched "The Bachelor" or "The Bachelorette" and I'm totally OK with that. Those shows make me sad for people. So I really have no excuse as to why I'm completely in love with "UnReal", a new summer show on Lifetime (yeah, I know, LIFETIME). It goes behind the scenes of a fictional dating show and exposes all their dirty little secrets.  The thing that hooked me was the creator/producer worked on "The Bachelor", so I'm curious as to how much was the super fuckedupness is real. You can catch the first episodes on Lifetime.com, so please do it and report back!

2. A Year of Romantic Comedies Project

I have a complicated relationship with romcoms. I hate them? I sort of love them? No, I hate them. I get that love exists in the world, but romcoms take the worst of that love and pass it off as beautiful romanticism when it's really just cheap drivel. There are a few exceptions: When Harry Met Sally, You've Got Mail, Bridget Jones's Diary.  And, oh man, Leap Year, I love that stupid fucking movie so much (I blame that on Matthew Goode, though, he's my knight in shining armor.) So when a blogger I like (http://www.welcometoladyville.com) said she was doing this project, I tuned in. It's been fun to see how other people judge romcoms (Is is GOOD? No. Did I LIKE IT? Yes.) and discover new movies as well.

This book. THIS BOOK. This book ruined my life, but in the best way possible. Aaron Soto has a hard life. His dad recently killed himself and then Aaron attempted to do the same. The only thing holding him up his is girlfriend Genevieve, but when he meets Thomas, everything changes. If you enjoyed "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", you like YA, and you support diverse books, you're going to love this book. I don't know why I had such an emotional reaction to this book, but I cried a lot. I mean it, A LOT. Like maybe the most I've ever cried at a book. I tweeted Adam Silvera when I finished to tell him how much I loved the book and he responded very kindly (which is something I so love about social media, I can tweet authors I love and have interesting conversations...hooray technology!).  I really like the video below, in which Silvera discusses diverse books and why they are so necessary today.

See all Three Things posts here.

Friday, June 26, 2015


An email from K...

Boy, to pregnant teacher: It must suck to be a girl.
Pregnant teacher: It does.
Boy #2: What? Did you just say 'suck dick girl'?

Thursday, June 25, 2015

Subject: Basically I've lost control.

An email from K...

Today I was trying to teach a review lesson on essay structure. Here's a list of questions that students asked during the lecture and the follow-up questions that immediately followed as I tried to get the class back on track:

Discussing body paragraphs...
“Have you ever seen the alien snake?”
“You mean the snake with legs?”
“That’s a centipede, stupid”

2 minutes later...

“When did we start counting centuries?”
“Why does the Mayan calendar just end?”

Another 2 minutes...
“Are there galaxies outside of ours?”
“And what’s outside of THOSE galaxies?”

And while they were supposed to be completing the review activity...
“Take off my shorts! Give me my shorts back.”
“I remember when I got sent to the office for taking my pants off. I was just trying to change really quick.”

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

This kid is in for a rude awakening...

An email from reader S...

I'm teaching Personal Finance in summer school, the question was something about setting a goal. I have not edited this response!

"I would like to purchase a really nice house. Im guessing it would cost about 6 or 7 thousand dollars. I have no money saved because i dont have a job yet. I need a lot more. Spend my money only on necesities."

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Libraries are complicated these days.

A friend is a elementary/middle school librarian and she emails crack me up...

One of the 4th grade girls came into the big library with her iPad the other day and was like "Excuse me, the catalog is in a language that I don't know, help." 

Turns out she'd hit a button at the bottom of the screen and changed the language to Portuguese. But she thought the world was ending. Bless.

Monday, June 22, 2015

Makes sense to me.

An email from K...

"I couldn't scroll because the wheel on my mouse was sticky. Well, not STICKY, but, like, sticky. I mean, it was sticky sticky, not sticky."

I'm not sure what's more disturbing--this comment or the fact that I completely understood what she was trying to say.

Friday, June 19, 2015

Yeah, don't do that...

An email from K...

"If your brother owed your $30 but he went to the casino instead of paying you back, would you jump him and rob him?"

Thursday, June 18, 2015

And Costco!

An email from K...

I found a random sheet of papers where I'd dotted some overheard comments. Among them, this:

Kid #1: There was a bird in Walmart yesterday. 
Kid #2: There's always a bird in Walmart.