Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Stressed! Break! Music! Dancing!

Hey internet peoples! Sorry for the lack of posts this week. I'm crazy stressed out and have eleventy billion things to do, so I'm going to take this, and probably next week, off.  I'll be back soon with, hopefully, lots of hilarious things to share.

Until then, here's some music to keep you dancing.  My friend Kirsti, who I love to pieces, and who blogs over at Melbourne on My Mind, got this song stuck in my head like two weeks ago and it's still there. The video is weirdly adorable. Revolutions? Cardboard robots? Hipster Australian singers? I'm in! Enjoy!!

Friday, February 6, 2015

Poor 2015

We do a senior class picture every year, which is often a clusterfuck but fun to watch.  One of my coworkers sent me this email the next day:

"So my TA is claiming yesterday's pic was super awkward. Apparently this class just hate each other. His words: It's like your over at a friends house and their parents are getting divorced."

My response back was: "I think that's actually a really great way to explain the class of 2015."

Thursday, February 5, 2015

It made my day!

During a timed writing, in which I asked for a paragraph of 10 sentences..

Girl: Is it OK if I write 11 sentences?
Me: It's totally OK if you write 11 sentences and I love you so much for asking me that.

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT.

One of the issues of working closely with kids in my extracurricular is they know me in a way my students don't.  For example, we travel out of state quite a bit and they see me in pajamas (by pajamas I mean flannel pants and t-shirts) when we do room checks at night. 

A girl asked me about my hair the other day and I mentioned this:

Me: My hair is really long right now.  Hey [kid in class] knows, he saw it after I showered the other day...[Blank stares.] WAIT, LET ME EXPLAIN.

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

I have no patience.

As a follow up to yesterday's post about shitty peer-editing is this email I sent a coworker that same morning...

A girl, the next day, brought in a two sentence rough draft, shrugged, and said, "At least I tried." 

No you didn't, you didn't try at all.  Trying would have been at least a shitty rough draft.

Monday, February 2, 2015

We thrive on sarcasm, obviously.

Last week I had a really shitty day, as a result of me attempting to make my kids peer-edit their essays. There are a million reasons why I appreciate my work spouse, this chat, and his ability to make me less cranky, is just one of them...

 WS::  sup?
 Me:  I fucking hate everything
 WS is that the antithesis of 'Everything is Awesome!" ?
 Me:  yes
 WS what's wrong?
shitty kids again?
 Me:  I hate peer editing
I hate that kids are lazy assholes
I got 12 emails this morning saying magically bad things happened to printers and computers last night
1/2 of my kids didn't have a draft
what the fuck am I supposed to do with that?
I just hate everything
sorry to be a bummer
I just can't deal
WS:  I'm sorry
my kids are perfect
they all wrote their rough drafts
some even read Hamlet and compared the characters and the tragedies they face
and a kid brought me coffee this morning
and no one used the excuse that they were at the basketball game
and one kid actually wrote his rough draft in iambic pentameter to prove that Macbeth's cadence absolves him of all responsibility
which I had never thought of before
Me:  I appreciate you

Friday, January 30, 2015

Does this happen at your job?

Yesterday I got accidentally felt up by a high school boy who was running around a corner, hands up, and ran smack into me and my lady lumps. Teaching high school is oftentimes awkward.

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Uncool

I'm known for my sometimes painful honesty with kids. They appreciate I don't bullshit them. But also I have little patience to put up with their bullshit.  For example, a conversation with a girl last week:

Girl: You were really mean to me yesterday.
Me: Uh uh, and?
Girl: It was uncool.
Me: It's uncool of you to bitch and complain about every every assignment I give and sign heavily at me and generally be the worst.  
Girl: But...
Me: It's not my job to be whined at, it's my job to teach you something. So do your work and get your diploma, then you can complain about how uncool I am.
Girl: I'm sorry.
Me: Then I'm sorry too. Now let's learn something.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

What is the opposite of a senior?

Yesterday I subbed for an honors freshman English class.  A girl asked to use her phone to read because she forgot her book. 

THEN SHE USED HER PHONE TO READ.

 In summary, honors freshmen are the exact opposite of my seniors.

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Yeah, I do know.

My favorite way to piss off high school kids is when they ask me questions about something they're working on to say "Huh, I don't know". They'll yell back "YOU DO KNOW!"  Yeah, I do know, but your job is to figure it out on your own.