Tuesday, December 1, 2015

It started out so poetically beautiful...

An email from K...

Kid #1: Adele makes you miss your ex, even if you don't have one.
Kid #2: EVERYONE has an ex if  they're over, like, 15.

Monday, November 30, 2015

Does texting while at a stoplight count?

"In current day America it is difficult not to commit a crime in daily life."

Weird, because I'm fairly sure I've survived 34 years without committing a crime every day...

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

There's nothing that scares teenage boys like periods...

An email from K...

Kid: Can I have some of your chocolate?
K: No. I need it to get through this period.


This is my life.
(And for the record, yes I am on my period and basically eating my own body weight in chocolate)

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Just read a book, dude.

"In my life, I have not read many books. My opinion is you can't really connect with something that is not real or alive, without letters forming into words in a book."

Once again, this still from SNL comes in handy...

Monday, November 23, 2015

Is that in South America?

An email from reader S:

Student #1 was discussing an issue with his boss.
Student #1: What kind of name is Guadalupe? I mean, that's a whole country and she's named after it.
Student #2: The country is Guatemala. [walks away]

Friday, November 20, 2015

So basically our students are like toddlers.

An email from K:

Kid: K, I dropped the pass in the toilet. <goes to hang it up>
K: EW STOP. If it went in the urinal it goes in the trash.
Kid: But I washed it!
K: NO. I don't trust school soap.
Kid: I didn't use soap. But I rinsed it really well!
K: Throw it out and go wash your hands. With soap.
My response: OMG your students are the same person as my best friend's four year old.
Her response back: When I was writing this up I was totally thinking "this is exactly the same conversation I've had with [her nephew] about bathroom cleanliness!"

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Maybe you can relate?

There is no stressed like "I just got an email in the middle of class from an administrator saying 'please come see me'" stressed.

(Everything is fine, but I was stressed out as fuck until I got down there and found out what was going on.)

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Freshmen are weird, part eleventy billion.

Two emails from the same co-worker, in rapid succession:

"I have a freshman who asks 'are we ever going to change seats' about twice a week.  Today I told him, 'ask again, and you will never move seats.'"

"Now two boys are arguing about how to pronounce archive. 'How can it be ar-k-ive?! It's a CH sound!' Today is the weirdest."

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

I guess we're all old.

An email from co-worker S, which is a nice companion piece to yesterday's post...

Students are asking me what music I listen to.

Student #1: Have you heard of Salt and Pepper or I mean Salt n' Peppa?
S: Yes, and their DJ is Spinderella.
Student #2: Do you listen to old school rap?
S: Who do you consider old school?
Student #2: Jay-Z, I mean Biggie.

Monday, November 16, 2015

I guess I'm old?

Girl: Wait, you were 17 in 1998?
Me: Yes, I was born in 1981.
Girl: Whoa...so do you remember Clueless?
Me: The movie? Yes? It came out in 1995. I was 14.
Girl: It's SO weird when teachers were old enough to see movies we think of as old.
Me: So seeing Clueless makes me old? I'm glad to know that's the age marker.