Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Three more weeks...

Kids were doing an in-class writing assignment and a someone raises their hand:

Student: How many points will I use if I don't use any quotes to support my argument?
Me: You'll get half credit at most.
Student: OK, I'll take that.

The class of 2016, ladies of gentlemen.

Monday, May 2, 2016

I'm so tweetable.

Kid glares at his book and then shakes it.
Me: Uh?
Kid: I have sand in my book.
Me: Where have you been lately?
Kid: It's from my track spikes, from the long jump. I put them in my bag and they get sand on everything.
Me: Oh...#trackproblems?
Kid: I'm tweeting that right now.

Friday, April 29, 2016

This is a terrible idea.

Kid: So I'm meeting up with this guy after school to buy a Magic card from him.
Me: Dude, please don't do that, you're going to get murdered.
Kid: No, it's fine, I met him on Craigslist.
Me: OK, now I truly believe you're going to get murdered. Don't you read the news?! 
Kid: No no, it will be OK, I talked to him on the phone.
Me: OK, but when you get murdered, I'm going to say I told you so.
Kid: Deal.

Thursday, April 28, 2016

Oh those naughty chickens...

If there were an award for stoicism, I deserve it for not laughing in class when a kid used the term "fowl behavior" on a PowerPoint presentation.

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

More likely a side dude, tbh.

An email from coworker S:

Subject: Sophomores are ridiculous, and I love them

All day my sophomores have been translating "Sonnet 18" and "Sonnet 130". And every time they get to the line "Rough winds to shake the darling buds of May", the following always occurs:
Student: So what does that even mean? I don't get it.
S: So what is a bud?
Student: A flower?
S: Now what are the winds doing?
Student: Shaking it?
S: So what does the line say?
Student: Winds shake the flowers in May? [S nods.] That's it? I thought Shakespeare was deeper than that. Well that's easy.
Also I just had kids translate "My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun" to "My side chick..."

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

"This is fucking high school."

I'm super behind on my blog reading, but I read this post today, which is actually two posts in one, from So Will This Be Graded? and it made my whole day.

"I mean, I told him…this, like, isn’t the time to fucking 'figure things out.' This is fucking high school. You figure that shit out after high school. When you’re alone." might be my new favorite ridiculous teenagerism.


Class of 2016: what a bunch of weirdos

I gave my kids a coloring assignment yesterday because they had an awesome class discussion. One by one they came up and showed me their pictures. They were so proud of them. Class of 2016: what a bunch of weirdos.

Friday, April 22, 2016

Macbeth was super into grammar, you know.

From an essay: "There are many subordinating clauses for why Macbeth is to blame for all the murders in the play."

Thursday, April 21, 2016

When is teacher ditch day?

As I teach seniors, senior ditch day is a reality of my end of the year experience.  The other day a kid walked up to me and fired off, "I heard you give a quiz on senior ditch day and you're not allowed to make it up if you're not there. I can't believe you, that's SO MEAN!" 

I not so patiently explained in all my years of teaching I have never a) given a quiz on senior ditch day, or b) not let someone make something up if they have an excused absence.

And then I gave them all a stare down for good measure.

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

This is what happens when kids have shitty sex ed...

An email from coworker S:

I'm sitting in study hall and the kids are talking about a student who's girlfriend is pregnant. A student in a half whisper goes, "Well what would you do? Like if I forgot to pull out." 
I immediately scream, "This conversation will end now. If it continues I will be sending home and email about the fact that you used the phrase 'If I forgot to pull out...'"
Why are they so dumb?! Also this is why we need comprehensive sex education. Pulling out is not a valid method to prevent pregnancy let alone STDs.

[Our discussions of sex positive teaching methods are just another reason I love my coworkers.]