Thursday, July 24, 2014

Please submit to your state education board.

K sent me this email before she was done with school and I totally forgot to post it, which is sad, because it's excellent advice...

*     *     *     *     *

Yeah. Do you know what should be in the new teacher exam? How do keep your # per freshman class focused when 1) it is after lunch 2) it is sunny and hot and 3) a boy with a ball injury returns holding a bag of ice on his crotch.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Teenagers in other states are ridiculous too.

Reader S sent me these two student gems.

"When do we start school next year?...What, that is three days after my birthday, I am not coming then."

"We're going to have a tornado in 2016, there's a change in the climax."

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Words and Stuff

I was cleaning out the notes in my phone today and came across this note, just one sentence:

"You're like a book person with words and stuff."

Which is how my brother-in-law described me one day when I was visiting him and my sister last fall.  I told him I needed to write that one down immediately.

It's basically my perfect description, second only to the time Melbourne on My Mind said, "You're like a drug dealer, but with books...", which I wholly take as a compliment.

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Saturday Special: Three Things, Vol. 26

1. Rainbow Rowell's "Landline"

If you didn't think I was going to post about Rainbow Rowell's new book at some point, you don't know me very well.  I've raved about her other works and I wasn't at all disappointed by her latest effort.  It made me laugh and cry and feel all the feels in the best way possible.  I love how well Rowell can write across the generations.  Each of her books has focused on a girl in a different time in her life, and I appreciate how I can still connect with each of these characters, despite not being the same age as any of them.  Bonus: There's an update about a couple from one of her other books within Landline.  I might have freaked the fuck out when I found it and it was what tipped me over into loving the novel.  Read carefully...

2. Meghan Trainor's "All About That Bass"

The number of times I've listened to this song this summer is getting out of control.  A friend (who I would never expect to send me this kind of song at all) sent it to me a few weeks ago and I immediately sent it to my sister and we became obsessed.  A body positive fun dancey summer song?  We're in!  I'm not crazy about the "skinny bitches" line, because if we're not going to fat-shame, we probably shouldn't skinny-shame.  Let's just all love our bodies.

3. Summer Movies

OK, so I'm kind of cheating here with #3.  I've seen a shit-ton of movies this summer.  I love movies, you know this.  Summertime means I can see as many movies as I want. So here's what I've seen, and a few comments on each. I've basically ordered them by the one I liked least to the best.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes: It's exactly what you think...apes and guns. Eh.
Obvious Child: I wasn't crazy about this one like everyone else seems to be.  I enjoyed the unusual story, but I thought it was just OK.
Jersey Boys: I love musicals.  So does my dad. We saw this together and we both enjoyed it.
Belle: Beautifully made and has a great story.
The Fault in Our Stars: Cried.  Then cried some more. 
X-Men: Days of Future Past: James McAvoy. Michael Fassbender. Need I say more?
22 Jump Street: Way funnier than I expected it to me.  I loved how it made fun of itself, and of Hollywood.  I'd watch all the sequels.
Begin Again: Again, I love musicals, and this was, for all intents and purposes, a musical.  Totally delightful. 
How To Train Your Dragon 2: Maybe my second favorite movie of the summer.  I totally cried. (SHUT UP!)  Dragons are cats, and I love cats, therefore I love dragons.  Duh.
Chef: Maybe my favorite movie of the summer. I talked about it in my last Three Things.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Weird Al does it again!

Hey! I'm alive! I'm just really enjoying my summer and am really busy watching HGTV and Teen Wolf.  But I thought I'd be a bad English teacher if I didn't share good ol' Weird Al's newest video, "Word Crimes".  I know you've probably watched it already, but I'm sharing it anyway.  I'm a but miffed at his dismissal of the Oxford Comma, but I appreciate his slamming of b/c/r/u as words (I love my best friend, but I'm constantly yelling at her to stop doing that in texts...PROPER GRAMMAR WHEN TEXTING!)

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

I like to use technical terms.

One of the best things about this summer is B is back.  If you're just joining me, B is one of my most favorite people ever.  He worked with me at That One School for about 4 years, then left 2 years ago to go be important at another school.  He's the one who convinced me to work with our (now my) extra-curricular.  He's hilarious and inappropriate and I'm glad to get to work with him for the summer.  He also provided me with one of my all-time favorite funny moments, which we still quote all the time.

Yesterday we were talking about a travel trip we take every year with the team, and how it's gone since he left.  I mentioned that my first year without him was pretty much the worst.

Me: I had a terrible time that year.  I was super stressed out and had the worst period of my life.
B: And by "period" you mean "a certain time frame reference", right?
Me, deadpan: No B, I mean MENSTRUATION.

He stared at me for a second and then lost his shit.  And that's why I've missed him so much.

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Saturday Special: Three Things, Vol. 26

1. Chef

Movies about dancing always win my heart, but movies about food win my stomach.  One afternoon, a few months ago, I was on prep and sitting in the English office and a friend/co-worker pulled up the trailer for Chef and said I had to watch it because I was totally want to see it.  He was right.  It was such a fun movie.  Except eat before you go, because you'll be starving by the time it's over.

2. Sam Smith's cover of Whitney Houston's "How Will I Know"

Just listen.  Your life will never be the same again.

3. Jennifer Mathieu's The Truth About Alice

Truth: In 6th grade, a decade before Mean Girls made burn books hip, I was part of a group of girls who created a slam book.  It was tame, compared to the stuff we had read about in Ann M. Martin's "Slam Book", but we felt powerful.  Looking back I'm so ashamed of that moment, that decision where I decided to be a bitch instead of just nice to people.  This book probably would have not meant as much to me if I wasn't a teacher.  Knowing kids do shitty things to each other really sucks and I try to help when I see shitty things start to happen.  The multiple perspectives are super interesting and kept me reading.

See all Three Things posts here.

Friday, June 27, 2014

K and I share this trait.

An email from K:

So at least 50% of my classroom management style is making ridiculous faces when kids ask me questions or act out. They're usually so amused/entertained/weirded out that they stop whatever behavior they're doing.
Anyways, it led to this conversation:

Kid: K, you're like a cartoon character.
K: ...thanks? I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be complimented or insulted.
Kid: Like an old-fashioned cartoon character, back when they were actually good.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

I hate Snapchat.

K sent me this email on May 1st:

"Holy mother of God Snapchat just released an update. I am going to find those program developers and ruin their day the way they've just ruined my carefully planned lessons."

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Sage Advice

An email from K:

Student walks by, sees a bag of trail mix on my desk:

"You can never go wrong with trail mix, K."