Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Fashion, and using words, is hard.

An email from K...

Kid: K, I like your onesie thing.
K: Um. you mean my dress?
Kid: Yeah, that.

Friday, May 15, 2015

On Farting

This post is devoted to farting. Yes, you read that right.

Two emails from K...


This may be my favorite ever.
A boy comes up to me after class and asks totally seriously, "T, told me that girls don't fart. Is that true?"


A boy asked if he could go outside to fart.
K: No.
Kid: But then I’ll fart in class.
K: What do you think I do?

The year needs to end before I say something really bad and get myself fired..

And now, an email from reader S...

Me: Student #1, please sit down.
Student #1: I'm walking over here because I have to fart.
Student #2: So you come over here to fart by us?!
Student#1: No, because when I walk around, the fart goes back in.

Thursday, May 14, 2015

On Twerking

An email from K...

Kid: K, can you be completely honest with me?
K: Sure.
Kid: Have you ever tried to twerk before?
K: I can honestly say I have never tried to twerk. This body is not built for twerking, I think I'd throw my back out.
Kid: Everyone can twerk. Twerk is life!
K: No. Just no.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Ever heard of Coyote Ugly?

An email from K...

The juniors are excitedly shopping for a venue for next year's senior prom. I was trying to explain that spending a lot of money on a venue doesn't make much sense because when the lights are down everything looks the same:

"Look, if I can give you one piece of post-high school advice, it's this: never be in a bar when the lights go on. You don't want to see that."

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

They're back!

An email from K:

I wore my Birkenstocks to school yesterday and two different kids in different periods asked me if I had granola or trail mix in my pockets.

(Side note: I've owned Birkenstocks for 15 years and am a proud Dansko/clog wearer. Having freshmen girls see my Birkenstocks and squeal "your shoes are so cute!" is disconcerting. No, no they are not cute.)

[Side note from M: Birkenstocks are totally back in style and I'm loving it!!]

Monday, May 11, 2015

Subject: Overheard. I can't even.

Email from K, because it's a bonus two posts kind of Monday...

Kid #1: Is this your water bottle? 
Kid #2: If it has cheese on it it's mine.

Shakespeare is fun?

K's students are being way more amusing than my own (whereas mine are being annoying and SO done with school), so we're doing a week of K posts! 

So first I'm going to start with a series of emails she has sent me over the last month about teaching Romeo and Juliet. I've been saving them up to do just this...

April 13: 

My freshmen have decided that Romeo and Juliet is like "every Khloe Kardashian relationship ever"
April 13, part II: 

No, Luke Skywalker is not in the 1968 Romeo and Juliet. Please stop referring to it as "the Star Wars one.

April 23:

Doing Shakespeare with my team taught is AMAZING...

Presenter: They went to theaters to watch plays.
Other student: So they went to theaters to watch movies?
Presenter: NO
Other student: Well did they have TVs?

April 27, a gchat:

K: My freshmen are starting their performance scenes of Romeo and Juliet.
M: That sounds like disaster, but also amusing
K: There is a lot of discussion about how to fake kissing
M: Oh freshmen...

April 30:

I spent a long time convincing a boy to play Benvolio. "C'mon, he's a lady's man, just like you!" He finally agrees and we're reading right after the big opening fight scene where Benvolio explains what happened.

"--wait, wait, wait. Is Benvolio snitchin'? I ain't about to snitch!"
"No, he's not snitchin' He's telling his uncle what happened at the fight."

...a few lines later
"You're SURE he ain't snitchin'?"
"Yes, I promise."
"Well okay then."

May 5: 

Freshmen are acting out scenes from Romeo and Juliet. In the final scene the kid playing Romeo says, "EW. I just figured out that I'm talking to a dead body!"

May 11:

Comparing 1968 and 1996 movies of Romeo and Juliet:

"Romeo is hiding in the bush in the 1968 version. He doesn't in the 1996 version."
"Bushes are different from 1968 to 1996. There are no bushes in 1996"

Friday, May 8, 2015

Even John Proctor would be proud!

Yesterday a co-worker told me this story, which had me laughing and cheering so hard:
The baseball team didn't make it to the playoffs, which is sad.  A boy in one of her classes was asking a baseball player about their final gam.
Kid #1: Wait, when was this game? When did you lose? Why? What happened?
Kid #2: Will you stop driving the needle into the poppet?!

Lesson: The kids actually paid attention during The Crucible!!!!!!

Thursday, May 7, 2015

The genius of 7 year olds.

I had dinner and family time at L's tonight and, now 7 year old, K showed me this cool Diary of a Wimpy Kid activity book she's been working on. L and I sat and read through and laughed (lovingly, of course, at K's answers). Then I got to the page below, which asks about her favorite songs of the moment. Please note they are, "Fire to the rain", "I'm going to fly", and "Oh my god who is she?"  I showed these to L and asked her what they were.  Her answers were so obvious.

"Fire to the rain"?

 "I'm going to fly"?

"Oh my god who is she?"?