Final Exams, Part One

Questions I'm tired of answering today:

Will you round my grade?

Will you take my late work?

Is your hair naturally curly?

What's on your shirt?

When we we get out of here?

Do I need to use a pencil on this Scantron?

And I have to do it all over again tomorrow.

She makes a good point.

My seniors were working on their This I Believe papers, and I had them reading examples from the website.  A girl, after reading some examples, whined to me, "I feel like these people probably had an easier time writing because they have actual problems, I just have silly white girl problems."

I laughed and high-fived her for her honesty.

I AM funny!

A student has just told a story about going to Footlocker and how they were out of the shoes he wanted. He looked at me and asked if that ever happened to me.  I responded, "Yeah, man, I'm always going to Footlocker and they're out of the Jordan's I want to rock.  Man, that sucks."

Another boy looks over at me, nods approvingly and deadpans, "Wow, that was actually funny."

Maybe it was one of those things that was funnier if you were there?

The Rumor Mill

A few weeks I may have inadvertently started a rumor that one of my co-workers has cancer.  I swear, I didn't mean to!

He was out for a day at a doctor's appointment, because he had been having stomach pains.  I was walking past his classroom and one of his students caught me and demanded to know where he was.  I told him he was out today and the kid was all huffy about it because he needed to make up an exam.  Annoyed at his attitude, I snapped at him, "Dude, he's at the doctor, he's having stomach pains, he might have stomach cancer, so get over yourself and deal with it tomorrow!" The kid stammered an apology and backed off.  I promptly forgot about the conversation.

The next week I stopped by extra-curricular practice and a boy pulled me aside.  He got really serious and asked, "Uh, so I'm not sure if I'm supposed to say anything but I heard from Girl who heard from Another Girl who heard from This Boy who was told by the kid from last week that Mr. - has cancer...what's going on?"  He said everyone was talking about it, but no one wanted to ask, but he knew he could has me.  I immediately let out a huge laugh and assured him that he didn't have cancer, that I was annoyed with the kid from last week. 

I told the co-worker what happened and that he should either tell the kid the truth, or totally mess with him and continue the ruse.  I think he continued the ruse for a day and then came clean.

Lesson learned: Don't lie to kids, I guess?

I don't take sass from anyone, much less sophomores.

I  subbed for a co-worker's class on Friday and halfway through the class I sent him this email...

 

Here's a fun convo I had with one of your sophomores...

Me: [Explains the handouts and whatnot.]

Girl: Ugh, Mr. ----- would!

Me: Would what? Give you work to do? Because you're in school and should be learning something?

Girl, rolling her eyes: That's not what I meant.

Me: Well, it's what you sounded like.

Saturday Special: Three Things, Vol. 13

OK, so last week sort of got away from me.  Sorry for the lack of posts. I'll make it up with a Three Things post!

1. Teen Wolf

Guys, I'm obsessed.  I've had Teen Wolf on my Netflix queue since it was put on the site. I loved the movies, so I figured some day I'd try watching the show.  It's pretty terrible, but I love it.  It's full of disconcertingly pretty people, lots of teen drama, and cute clothes. I adore the opening credits. In the last week I've finished season 1 and I'm almost done with season 2.  One of my co-workers also watches it and he's been more than happy to talk about it with me, which makes it more fun to watch.  Also, I might have a quasi-inappropriate crush on the adorkable Dylan O'Brien, which is kind of OK because he's like 21 and not actually in high school. That makes is better, right?  Also, Colton Haynes is insanely gorgeous.  He's 25, so it's also OK.

2. Ree Drummond's Recipe for Sesame Noodles

I don't think I've ever put a recipe on a Three Things post, but this one is deserving.  I love to cook, I don't know if I've ever talked about that. I'm pretty good at it too. I found this recipe on Pinterest last week and I made it twice.  I added some rotisserie chicken, shredded carrots, and chili-garlic paste.  Seriously, so delicious.

3.  The Great Gatsby movie

If you've been reading this blog for a while, you'll Gatsby is my favorite book and has been since I was in high school. I love teaching it and it changes every time I read it.  My co-workers and I have been anxiously awaiting the Baz Lurhman film version since it was put on IMDb years ago.  Eventually all my expectations for the film were lost (around the time they pushed the release date back 6 months), but I've still been excited for it to come out.  The movie was exactly what I thought it would be: sparkly and fun.  It's reasonably faithful to the book. The Plaza scene is perfection. Leo is goddamn handsome I can't even deal with it. Tobey Maguire is the worst, but then again so is Nick Caraway. I'll definitely see it again at some point.

Maybe you're not worth it.

A conversation with a senior that made me want to hit my head against the wall:

 

Kid: School is so not worth it.

Me: OK, why?

Kid: I stayed up until 3 last night writing a 5 page paper.

Me: Hmm. OK. When was it assigned?

Kid: Like 3 weeks ago.

Me: And I assume the paper is due today?

Kid: Yes.

Me: Oh. Then whose fault is it that?

Kid: I work six days a week. I don't have time to write a paper.

Me: I'm not even going to argue this with you because it would be pointless.

Saturday Special: Three Things, Vol. 12

It's that time of year...PROM!  So today we're going to do a special Three Things episode and talk about my favorite prom-centered movies.  I only went to my junior prom and it wasn't that exciting. Movies make it seem like prom will be THE BEST NIGHT OF YOUR ENTIRE LIIIIIIIIIFE, when mostly it's just meh.  I blame a lot of my prom hype on these three films:

1. Pretty in Pink

PiP is my all-time favorite 80s teen movie.  You can have The Breakfast Club (which is awesome, don't get me wrong), but my Molly Ringwald/John Hughes collaboration of choice is Pretty in Pink.  Terrible dads! Bitchy high school girls! AWFUL prom dresses! James Spader being an immense douche!  I mean, Duckie. Love him. He started my life-long obsession with Otis Redding when I was 10. I would definitely pick Duckie over Blaine.  Besides, Blaine isn't a name, it's a major appliance!



2. She's All That

90splosion! This movie came out my junior year of high school and I saw it in the theater...twice.  Is it terrible? YES! Do I care? NO! Because of things like choreographed dance scenes, falafel, and Lil Kim's old face.  And OMG the outfits! And references to old school The Real World. And Paul Walker being an immense douche (this seems to be a theme in teen movies...). The prom is pretty, sparkly, and looks pretty fun, until stupid teenage drama ruins it. Just like it ruins most things.  This movie has every teen stereotype you can think of, but for some reason that just makes it all the better.  Besides, everyone knows that if you take your hair out of the ponytail and take off your glasses, you'll be totally hot.


 
3. Saved!

Saved! is probably the best movie you've never seen (sorry, I got sort of hipstery there for a second). It's about a super Christian teenager who tries to save her boyfriend from being gay by having sex with him, and she ends up pregnant.  As someone who grew up super Christian, and then quit church, it's a very honest look at what it's like to be a part of that crowd as a teen.  I often tell people that if they want to understand why I am the way I am, they need to see this movie.  Mandy Moore plays a pretty fantastic mean girl, Christian style. There's an awesome prom scene that involves driving into a giant Jesus statue.



Honorable Mentions...
10 Things I Hate About You (The only reason I teach Shakespeare's The Taming of the Shrew.  Also: RIP Heath Ledger)
Footloose (The 80s one...OBVIOUSLY!  Although I've seen the new one at least 5 times on Netflix.)
Never Been Kissed (The immense creepiness of this movie never hit me until I became a teacher.  It also started my love affair with Michael Vartan, despite his awful hair in this movie.)
Mean Girls (Maybe the most quotable movie of all time. God Karen, you just can't ask people why they're white!)

What's your favorite prom movie?!

Maybe she meant it was a shitty war?

Below is from an essay I graded earlier in the year.  I was grading at my parents' house and I busted up laughed.  I shared the essay with my parents.  My dad's take...

"If she doesn't know the difference between defecating and devastating she's going to have a shitty life."

Broken

Today was an impossible bad day.  You know what a bad year I had last year with the class of 2013.  Overall they've been better as seniors.  Not today.  Today they broke me. I can't handle them anymore.  And we only have three weeks left.  I just can't care about them anymore.  They're terrible people.  They don't care about anything.  They openly cheat and whine and laze and say terrible awful things.

How do I survive our remaining time together?