Friday, January 23, 2015

It's a new holiday!

A long-overdue email from K...

My 3rd period is OBSESSED with Christmas. Today we had a conversation about people who don't celebrate Christmas because, you know, cultural sensitivity.

They told me, "It's okay, they can celebrate x-mas."
I told them, "But... That's still Christmas."
They responded, "No it's not! Christmas is Christian. X-mas is just presents and Santa and stuff. I'm not religious but I celebrate x-mas."

I'm not kidding, like 5 kids truly believed this.

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Kicking ass and taking numbers.

A conversation with the "intim" kid:

Kid: Yeah, I went there and kicked ass and took...a number? Is that how it goes?
Me: No. Kicking ass and taking names.  Why would you take a number? To what, get in line for an ass kicking?

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Math is hard, you know.

An email from the same reader who teaches Nutrition and Wellness and offered up this gem...

I have a student with a 16% and asked her what she was going to do to pass my class.

Student: I'm going to do really good on the final.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Truth and Bitchy Bombs

Sometimes I have a severe inability to put up with kids' bullshit and it causes me to say wholly inappropriate, yet incredibly true things.  I don't have a filter sometimes, but I rarely regret what I say.  For example, I made the kids write 15 sentences in response to a few questions.  Yes, 15 whole sentences.

Kid: Jeez, that's a lot of writing.
Me, pausing for a moment: Huh, I'm sorry for being such a bitch and making you think and providing you with this most excellent free education. It must be really hard for you to have the privilege of education and knowledge, which people in other parts of the world are literally dying to have.  It really sucks to be you. You have my apologies.
Kid, staring: Oh. I, uh... [he starts to write]

Friday, January 16, 2015

Hell, why even get out of bed in the morning?

A kid's argument against a book we were reading in class: I don't read depressing books. Why would I read a book I knew was going to be depressing in the end?

My response: Well, why date that girl? It's just going to end? Why love your dog? He's just going to die? Why even try at at all at anything when you know it could end badly?

Kid: OK, maybe I shouldn't have talked.

Thursday, January 15, 2015

We've all had that moment, right?

An email from K...

We’re analyzing a poem together everything is going well, kids are making connections, asking higher level questions--I feel like an awesome teacher. A girl who never speaks raises her hand and I’m all “YES. She’s engaged!”

"Can I have a bandaid?"

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

On a related note, I'm not actually a creep.

Me: Is that [your boyfriend's] sweater?
Girl: Uh yes. How did you know that?
Me: He was my student for the last two years and I notice things.  Also, I always really liked that sweater.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

This is why I go to prom every year...

An email from K...

Kid: I was at homecoming and I was doing this the whole time [mimes snapping fingers and wiggling shoulders] and I got blisters on my thumbs.
K: You did that the whole time?
Kid: Yeah, I don't know how to dance so I just snap my fingers and wiggle my shoulders.

[I know I say this about, like, everything K sends me, but this might be my all-time favorite one.]

Monday, January 12, 2015

Poor Anne Hathway

I don't think there will ever be a time when I tell kids how Shakespeare was married to Anne Hathaway and their response isn't:

"WHHHHAAAAAAT?! Is she a time traveler?!"

Friday, January 9, 2015

Why I shouldn't be allowed to talk to kids, part eleventy million.

A conversation with one of my students:

Kid: I made cookies with my grandma this weekend.
Me: That's cute
Kid: Want one?
Me: Are they full of weed?
Kid: Well, I made them with my of course they are!
Me: I shouldn't laugh, but here we are.