Friday, April 18, 2014

Ball Sports

From a student's essay.  I don't know why I think this is so funny, but I do.  Well, let's be real, ball sports sounds dirty, therefore it's funny.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Poetry is fun?

From K:

The bell rings after we've spent the period analyzing poems and a girl says "Time flies when you're analyzing poetry."

And in the realm of shocking social commentary from freshmen boys: 

After reading the poem "Mirror" by Sylvia Plath I ask them to respond to the sentence starter "this poem makes me feel... because..." A boy wrote "relieved, because I'm not a woman and don't have to deal with this stuff."

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

I don't think I'm going to jail?

Sometimes you threaten to murder a kid when the school resource police officer is standing behind you.  

The best part was when I realized said officer was behind me and my eyes got all big, he just shrugged and said, "It's OK, I'm sure you won't...right?"  Me, "Uh...right?!"

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

They make a lot of sense, right?

From K:

So I'm helping out a colleague and grading some senior essays. These are supposed to be "life plans" that outline who they are and where they're going after high school. These are my two favorite responses from the entire stack:

“I like to be alone but I’m not lonely, I have two cats and Netflix for that.”
On finding happiness: “It’s like you say ‘I’m finally happy’ and life says “LOL just sec.’”

Monday, April 14, 2014

That sounds like fun!

I'm glad my kids understand my use of hyperbole.

Me: And if I see a cell phone, or someone dicking around, I'm going to burn this place down. And by "burn this place down" I mean not give you time to work in class and give you lots of busy work instead.
Kid: So you're going to burn down our hopes and dreams?
Me: That is EXACTLY what I'm going to do. I'm writing that down and adding it to my twitter bio.

Friday, April 11, 2014

I'd buy that app.

An email from K:

Kid: Do you have one of those things that punches 3 holes in the paper? What do they call that?
K: A 3 hole punch?
Kid: Yeah! I'm surprised they haven't made a phone that can do that.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Ick Nast

I don't care if kids eat in class, but I'm pretty strict about them not putting food on the desk. (See examples here and here.)  A girl was peeling an orange and putting the segments on her desk.

Me: Oh my god, don't put your food on the desk. Do you know how many people sit there?!  Go get a paper towel from the cabinet.
Girl, pauses, looks at her desk: Whatever, I guess they're a part of me now...

The entire class joined me in a round of "ewwwwwwww"s.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Oh, the stuff, right.

Me: Is the book still relevant today?
Kid: Yeah, because of the stuff inside of it.
Me: I have no idea what that even means.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

What? Like, what?!

The kids are working on a research paper, so I gave them a few days in the library to work on their papers.  One girl was not happy about this.

Girl: We're in the library AGAIN?!
Me: Yes, I'm trying to give you as much time to work as possible.
Girl: I'm sick of working. I'm at school for 8 hours, then I have 5 hours of homework.
Me: Yeah, that's why I'm giving you time to work in class.
Girl: Whatever.

She is refusing to open a computer or do any work.  I don't even know.

Monday, April 7, 2014

I guess I'll understand when I go see it this week?

A kid was telling me that he saw Captain America 2 the previous night:
Kid: Do you like Hitler movies?
Me: I don't even know how to answer that question.
Kid: It's just super Hilter-y.
Me: Again, I don't know how to respond.
Kid: So you know how Robert Redford is in this movie? He's like super similar to Hilter.
When you see the movie you're just gonna be like, "Whoa [Kid] was right, it was totally Hitler-y!"

Me: I'm going to go ahead and just walk away now, OK?