I'm mean, and if you didn't know that already, welcome to the club.

I've sat on this one for a while, waiting for this girl to graduate, so I don't feel so bad for mocking her to the world.

There used a girl in one of my classes who may be the biggest moron in the world. She had crazy, terrifying, tarantula over-mascared eyes. When people say dumb things in my class, I look at them and oftentimes just say "you're pretty" and smile blankly. Most the time they get it, she never does. (I've become famous for this tactic. Once I met a friend of a friend and he recognized me through a story he'd been told, "Oh! You're 'you're pretty'?! I love that!") One day she was being especially stupid and I looked at her and said "Your headband is pretty." She smiled back at me and said "It's GOLD!" Yes, it was gold in color, but you have to imagine a valley girl voice saying that really loudly. Ever since that day, she's been known as Headband Girl to my friends.

One time Headband Girl and I had the best conversation ever.

Me (chatting with some students while they were working): Yeah, I got 7 books yesterday in the mail!! [note: hoooooooray paperbackswap!!]
HG: Uh, whyyyyyy?
[cue my faithful kids muttering about how reading is a good thing]
Me: Because I like to read and when I grow up I don't want to be ignorant?
HG: What does that even mean?!
Me: Exactly...
[cue me laughing maniacally and the kids jumping all over her about her lack of word knowledge]

That made my entire day. You have no idea.