I love my first hour seniors so much and this is why. I have one class (usually on Mondays in my first class of the day) clean the desks on Friday because, as I've said before, kids are gross and they're all going to get diseases from those desks. So I just had the following conversation with the apple-herpes-desk-kid:
Kid: Why do we have to clean the desks?
Me: Because you're dirty little monkeys and those desks have diseases and I don't want you to die.
Kid: Oh, well that's nice of you!
Me: Well not really. It's actually really selfish. Because if you die then I have to go to your funeral, which means I have to buy a new dress. Then I'll cry a lot, so I'll have to get waterproof mascara, which is really hard to wash off completely.
Girl pipes in: Which is bad for your eyes because it makes your eyelashes fall out!
Me: Exactly! So my eyelashes will fall out and I'll be less attractive and then no man will ever fall in love with me and I'll never have kids which will make my mom mad because she'll never be a grandmother and I'll be alone forever and die alone. WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO DIE ALONE?!
Kid, getting up and running to my podium to grab a Clorox wipe: Oh my god, I'll clean my desk right now!
This is my favorite day.