Steamer novels would be about 19th century cargo ships...sexxxy!!

From my seniors this morning...maybe my favorite, and most awkward conversation ever:

Kid: Do you read those steamer novels you get at the grocery store?
Me: I have no idea what that means.
Kid: You know, those steamer novels, with the shirtless guys on the cover? Cougars read them.
Me: Um, no. I don't read steamer, or ROMANCE, novels. Do you read them?
Kid: NO, those things look creepy.
Me: Also, I'm not a cougar.
Kid: Really?
Me: No!! I'm 28!
Kid: Aren't cougars like 25 and older?
Me: I have to go write this down now.

That's what she said?

From a friend...

"Two sophomore boys were trying out wrestling moves, just headlocks, while standing, and one kid says to the other 'Do you guys have open mat? I'd love to come roll around with you sometime.'"

Things I Love #1

When kids ask how to spell words and are shocked at the answer.

Someone just asked me how to spell "subtle". He was amazed at the silent B.

In Honor of Valentine's Day

One of my juniors wrote all of his vocab sentences about how much he loves me. Sadly, he didn't even use some of the words correctly. The thing that made me laugh ever more, is he had a different person read each of his sentences when I asked for examples of each word.

Examples (with vocab words underlined):

1. M arbitrarily chose me.
2. I convict that M secretly loves me.
3. My heart disperses every time I see M 's beautiful smile.
7. When M insults me I don't get pragmatic because our love is strong.

He and that kid from High School Musical 2 have that in common!

Sometimes my day starts in a very amusing way. I got to my first class this morning (I'm always in my room about 15-25 minutes before class starts) and I sat and chatted with some students who always come in early. With Valentine's Day coming up, they were discussing relationships, and I was attempting to convince one of the girls to date my TA (a battle I'm losing, as she won't break up with her boyfriend...people never do what I want them to do!). She mentioned that he (my TA) had asked out another girl, and a guy in the back of the room sighed and mentioned that he sort of dated her, but she broke his heart. He summed up the relationship in this one statement:

"I joined the salsa club for her. The salsa club! I DON'T DANCE!"

I love kids.

If that was the rule then we would have gone through A LOT more presidents!

In a throwback to earlier in the year, here is another chapter in the saga of "College Students are Ridiculous". My friend Ms. J, lawyer and teacher of community college American Government, shared this with me yesterday...

Question: "What were the Federalist Papers?"

A student wrote (spelling and grammar intact): "The federalist papers is a way to make laws for presidents. Example. President Clinton. Once you cheat on your wife your out of the white house. no more presidential."

Why is this shocking to you?

My juniors started watching "Of Mice and Men" yesterday and today and they are all traumatized by it so far (which means they are going to freak out at the ending). One boy in particular, a hockey player, had a little moment when Candy's dog gets shot toward the beginning.

Kid: They're not going to shoot the dog, right?
Me: Yes, they are.
Kid: Why?!
Me: Because he's old.
Kid: But we don't shoot old people!
Me: Yes, but this is a dog.
Kid: I DON'T UNDERSTAND, WHY ARE THEY KILLING THE DOG?
Me: Dude, it's a movie, the dog didn't really die.
[The scene plays out and the dog is shot off screen.]
Kid: OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED THE DOG!!!!!!!
Me: Just like I told you.

Well, they do say that boringness is next to Godliness.

A conversation in one of my junior classes:

Kid: Did you get your hair done? It looks darker.
Me: I didn't wash it this morning
Kid: Because you were up all night grading our research papers?
Me: Because I wanted to sleep in.
Kid: Oh, boring.

Speaking of filthy...

Good kid quote of the day:

We finished discussing The Great Gatsby today. We talked about how Gatsby and Daisy were only together for a month before he went o to war, then he spent the next five years being obsessed with her. Come on, he was basically a stalker. I love Gatsby, but he was a stalker. Hello, album of newspaper clippings? Please. So in defense of their relationship, a boy raises his hand and says:

"They could have had a great relationship! You can make a lot of love in one month!"

Yes, we all get that he meant that a month is long enough to fall in love, but that is not how I, or the rest of the class, took it. I buried my head in my hands and laughed for a long time.

A Tribute

This was one of my all time favorite classroom moments. One of my favorite students, who is an incredibly smart girl, just couldn't focus in class while she was supposed to be reading The Great Gatsby. Her excuse:

"I don't understand this book. I can't read it. There are so many words they make my mind go cross eyed."

I think a lot of books could be clasified as kind filthy then...

Continuing Gatsby week...I found these two gems in an email from a friend:

"Oh, and I'm doing Gatsby now with juniors now. One of the boys said, 'man, I'm mad at Gatsby. He threw these big parties and could have had all these honeys and he keeps goin' after Daisy." This was followed by another boy, 'I wanna be in this book. I'd go to those parties and score with all the girls.' Basically this entire class is disappointed in Gatsby because he could have been the 'pimp' of West Egg and he threw away all his chances.

One kid said, "'This book's kinda filthy.' I asked, 'Why only kinda?' His reply: 'Well, it would be filthy if it weren't for all the reading.'"