In the words of Taylor Swift, "Today was a fairytale..."

As I wrote about last week, my seniors took their myths and folktales exam last Thursday, on which they were asked about a myriad of topics relating to mythology and folktales around the world. One of the questions asked what number is prevalent in fairy tales? The answer is three. Now, I'm not sure why the answer is three, but it occurs in several of the tales we read. Think of Cinderella (we read the original Grimm brothers version): there are three sisters, three nights of the festival, three attempts to keep Cinderella there after the festival, etc.

On Monday, when I told the kids the tests were graded, I announced there were three student who received 100%s in the class. A girl, who is also my TA later in the day (the one who helped me grade the exams) exclaimed...

"Three?! This must be a fairytale!"

God, I love kids.

CIvil Rights have come far...or something.

I've had this post-it on my desk for a year with these two awful research paper quotes and I keep forgetting to post them. The research paper topic was choose a major Civil Rights movement in America and discuss its impact. You can decide for yourself what these papers are supposed to be on...

"Also, there were separate bath houses for gays just as there were separate drinking fountains or entrances for African Americans."

"Moreover, the birth control movement satisfied women with a big bang."

STD free is the way to be!

I really love my first hour seniors. They're fun and hilarious and just awesome. A kid, who I adore, was eating an apple today and kept putting it on his desk between bites. This horrifies me because I know those desks are filthy, as kids are filthy little monkeys. I make my 0 hour class clean them once a week, which certainly isn't enough, but cleaning them every day would be kind of a timesuck. So because this kid was being careless with his apple, I made a comment about it and then the following conversation took place...

Me: Are you really putting that apple on your desk?
Kid: Yes....why?
Me: Do you know what's been on that desk?
Kid: I don't know. Papers and whatnot?
Me: No! Germs! Kid germs!
Kid: It's not that big of a deal.
Me: Uh, yes it is. That desk probably has herpes.
Kid: What?!
Me: I'm just being honest. Do you know the kind of people who go to school here?!
Kid: Ew, what?! Oh my god!
Me: EXACTLY! Go get a napkin and put it on your desk.
Kid: No, I can't even eat this anymore. [Walks to the trash can and throws it away.] That's disgusting. You've ruined my life.
Me: No, I'm trying to keep you disease free, something your girlfriend will thank me for.

Let me repeat, I love my job.

As teachers we can't prepare them for that kind of exam, thankfully.

From a male coworker...

Kid turns around and starts talking.
Me: [Kid], turn around.
Kid: Sorry, I needed to turn my head to cough.
I turn red and lose it.

Yowza. I need a beer.

One should be very afraid of those terribic eergs!

Last week my seniors took their first, and arguably, hardest exam of the year. The exam covered various myths and folktales we've read over the past two weeks and was primarily an essay exam. My TA, who is also in one of my senior classes, helped me grade the exams and she was astounded at the ridiculousness of some of the exam answers. She picked out the best for you...

Q: Name two characteristics of myths:

A: A story explained by someone to create a myth.

Q: Who is the Minotaur?

A: Theseus in Theseus was in the labyrinth maze where the minotaur lives in and throws all the directions.

Q: Who is Hades?

A: Hade is the controller of the terribic eergs. (I have no idea what the fuck this kid wrote, as it's illegible!)

Dylan would totally do something like that to Brenda...

Teaching high school is like watching 90210, but instead of enjoying the drama, like debates about giving out condoms in school (I mean, if you're going to build a pool...) or whether or not Donna Martin is going to graduate, you have real drama, like Brandon didn't turn in his homework because he was taking care of his sick baby who he had at 15, or Kelly can't come to class today because her seizures are flaring up again. Sometimes it's intensely dramatic, but you learn to balance the bad drama with the fun drama.

For example, today the seniors had a paper due. It was a 2 page creative paper where they had to discuss the origin of something. Four of us assigned it and it turns out that two kids in two different classes, from two different teachers, copied each other. Now, aside from the annoyance that it's a freaking creative writing and they could have written about anything, yet chose to copy each other, there's the whole plagiarism is a bad choice thing. What makes this worth of a post is that the two cheaters are dating.

One of the teachers brought me the papers to look at during my first class and I immediately noticed that one of them was in my class last year. I also noticed it was a boy and a girl and my first reaction was that they had to be together and they just shared papers.

Oh, no, it's so much better than that!

It turns out HE stole HER paper, which lead to a big fight in the hallway, which I would have paid to witness. I'm sure the story will be all over school soon, as the kids are starting to find out who the couple is. I told my class that if I was her, I would totally dump his sorry ass, and I hope it's super dramatic.

So there you go, English teachers are always doing something ridiculous, like breaking up kids because of plagiarism.

I love my job.

And so it begins...again.

School is back! So is the ridiculousness!

I haven't gone through my first day of school letters yet (usually I wait a week until I actually can put a face to a name), but those quotes will be come soon. A friend went through his letters already and gave me this gem. On the "Tell me a story about you..." section, a senior girl wrote:

"This summer was amazing, until I got grounded for 3 days of the last week for using my mom's conditioner. She calls it disrespect -- I call it hair care!"

Well, as Elle Woods would say...the rules of hair care are simple and finite. Any Cosmo girl would have known!

Maybe even teenagers can learn from their own ridiculousness!

So I'm back to school in less than a week. Sigh. To be fair though, I've had a delightful four weeks off, so there can really be no complaining on my end. To get everyone ready, here is something leftover from the end of last school year. A friend did some end of the year reflections with her sophomores, and, as everyone knows, sophomores are the most ridiculous of all students...

"Mrs. ---- was really cool when we were on her good side and when we get to know her."

"Listen to the teacher!!!! If you don't you will fail!"

"[Next year] I want to get straight As and win every football game." [Apparently their football team SUCKS.]

"If you switch out of IB, DO YOUR WORK STILL."

"I wish I didn't get caught plag (crossed out) copping (crossed out) copying."

"DO NOT EVER PLAGIARIZE!!! It makes the rest of the year harder. Goals for next year: Not plagiarize. Comments: Fun class sorry for plagiarizing"

"This class was fun but there are a lot of idiots in this period. You're a good teacher."