Friday, April 13, 2012

Welcome to Teaching

My friend S, as I've mentioned before, is currently doing a long-term sub job, which is her first teaching experience. She's been having an...interesting time so far. She sent me this email last week, whichI'm sure will take us all back to our first year and how absolutely shitty it could be.

Subject: Ventrant, aka A Summary of My Friday

Lesson One: Do not ask your teacher to go to the bathroom right before the tardy bell rings and then come back to class with two bags of Doritos.

Lesson Two: You should be highly embarrassed to announce to a room full of your peers AND your teacher that you need to poop.

Lesson Three: Do not ask your teacher to go to the restroom 10 minutes into class and then never come back and not expect to get written up.

Lesson Four: If your teacher gives you a makeup test in class, do not instead of doing the quiz spend the period playing on your phone and then ask her if you can come in after school to finish your quiz on her own personal time.

Lesson Five: Do not walk into class 10 minutes late and then immediately ask your teacher if you can go to the restroom.

Lesson Six: Hey other kid, you should be highly embarrassed to announce to a room full of your peers AND your teacher that you need to poop!!!!!! (Really? Two in ONE DAY?!!).

Lesson Seven: Do not immediately put your headphones back in your ears and lay your head down on your desk after your teacher has asked you twice to get out your book and put away your phone and participate in class without expecting to get a lecture in the hallway.

Lesson Eight: Boy in 5th period, do not leave the room without your teacher's permission and then return after the bell ending school rings to get your stuff and say "I just can't deal with this s&#*" in response to her question about why you weren't in her class.

Lesson Nine: Do not inform your teacher before class starts that it's too hard to pay attention to a book that is being read to you by the author and not expect M's "SENIORS HAVE SUCH HARD LIVES" lecture. [I've given her lots of advice on how to deal with a-hole seniors, such as my typical response above.]

Lesson Ten: do not act surprised when you ask your teacher what she is doing this weekend and she responds with, "Grading all of the late work that y'all couldn't turn in three weeks ago when it was due so that your parents won't ground you when progress reports come out on Tuesday." Also, don't remark to her how sad it is that she has no life.

S, I love you!

1 comment:

  1. S, I am so with you. In fact, it's almost like you were teaching my kids! I would say it gets better, but really... it doesn't. But we know how you feel and love to have ventrants along with you. :)